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Oct. 11th, 2004 07:56 pm
Waiting...
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dustinprewittWaiting.... for that call... from her... waiting is always the hardest part with anything... but when its her, it always seems longest... everything else is like a waste of time, a distraction... but perhaps these other things need not be embraced so negatively... distractions kill time, and as time dies, the waiting increases... but still... there is the burning temptation, to call her first... but still...
How do I know if it's a genuine promise to call back, and not just being blown off... the past few years have taught me, I cannot trust people to ever be honest or confrontational (about anything positive)... always being evaisive, always having to hear about things through the grapevine... even people Ive long considered to be my best friends... Im so terrified of this... I want to know if she really is blowing me off and trying to be polite about it, or if Im being too overbaring/annoying, not being welcome and not wanting to hurt my feeligns, or if its all in my head... I dont want to be a burden to her... perhaps she really just doesnt need me anymore... saddening, true, but something that should probably just be accepted
There really ought to be a standard set rule on calling people back if they leave a message, or say if they're going to call back, or how long must one wait before calling a person, how often a person can call another in a row and be acceptable, etc.... Its all so confusing, like eggshell walking... Im wanting to talk to her, but I do not want to bother her, or offend her...
So here I am with the telephone... waiting....
Who ever says that its easier to love than it is to hate, is either a liar, or a damned idiot..., neither reflects well upon their character... When you are in hate, you dont have to worry about wether or not the person hates you in return, there is no impatience in waiting for another person to return your hate, justify it, etc... but with love.... love is such a horribly, toxic thing... everyone is so afraid of it, no one wants to be too forward with it, most times its hidden away with shame (as opposed to hate, being so easy to express in public), and love always has to be handled with such care, being such a fragile thing... Love is like heroin... feels wonderful, but once the effects wear off, it leaves you feeling terrible, and obcessively wanting more, and willing to ruin yourself and others for the sake of getting more....
I dont want to feel this way... but here I am....
Waiting for a reason to feel differently...
How do I know if it's a genuine promise to call back, and not just being blown off... the past few years have taught me, I cannot trust people to ever be honest or confrontational (about anything positive)... always being evaisive, always having to hear about things through the grapevine... even people Ive long considered to be my best friends... Im so terrified of this... I want to know if she really is blowing me off and trying to be polite about it, or if Im being too overbaring/annoying, not being welcome and not wanting to hurt my feeligns, or if its all in my head... I dont want to be a burden to her... perhaps she really just doesnt need me anymore... saddening, true, but something that should probably just be accepted
There really ought to be a standard set rule on calling people back if they leave a message, or say if they're going to call back, or how long must one wait before calling a person, how often a person can call another in a row and be acceptable, etc.... Its all so confusing, like eggshell walking... Im wanting to talk to her, but I do not want to bother her, or offend her...
So here I am with the telephone... waiting....
Who ever says that its easier to love than it is to hate, is either a liar, or a damned idiot..., neither reflects well upon their character... When you are in hate, you dont have to worry about wether or not the person hates you in return, there is no impatience in waiting for another person to return your hate, justify it, etc... but with love.... love is such a horribly, toxic thing... everyone is so afraid of it, no one wants to be too forward with it, most times its hidden away with shame (as opposed to hate, being so easy to express in public), and love always has to be handled with such care, being such a fragile thing... Love is like heroin... feels wonderful, but once the effects wear off, it leaves you feeling terrible, and obcessively wanting more, and willing to ruin yourself and others for the sake of getting more....
I dont want to feel this way... but here I am....
Waiting for a reason to feel differently...
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that would make a great quote
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We should do coffee sometime.