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Apr. 7th, 2020 09:52 am
the new normal
which can best be described as... howard hughes on a budget.
I am not entering the 4th week of this quarentine, acknowledged as officially starting on the date that I began working from home, march 18th. But I would say the best date to acknowledge as the day the shit hit the fan would be Friday, March 13th. Friday the 13th. Easy to remember, right? Of course it began earlier before that, but, well, you know, friday the 13th...
All things considered, things could be worse. That's been my default response to the question "how are you?". Normally, it would be "can't complain". But of course, things are now different. Speciffically speaking, the panic attacks and anxiety comes and goes. Im afraid to go out. I do my best to maintain a reasonable balance between paranoia and pragmatisim, between sensibility and obcessive compulsion. They say that I must obcessively clean all things all the time, constantly wear masks and burn them after use. But I just dont have the energy or resourses for that. Being reliant upon a laundrymat means that would get very expensive really fast. And given no one knows how long this will last, Ill need to ration out my cleaning supplies, which are in high demand and short supply.
Also, last week, I had the very unfortunate timing and occaision to discover that a water pipe in the walls of my apartment burst, flooding the carpet in my reading room. Which meant repair crews and carpet men had to come in and out of my apartment to air everything out. And my landlord expected ME to do all the heavy lifting of bookcases and boxes and books. And who knows if any of those people were carrying the germs. Not happy in the least about this. But on the plus side, I didnt lose too much in the way of personal property, they managed to get everything done that needed doing within a reasonable amount of time. But I must say that this was the last straw. I could deal with the roaches- just smack them as I see them, buy spray and traps, and throw away food scraps. I could deal with the cold winters- just buy blankets and space heaters. I could deal with the rude employee, just dont go to the office when she's in there. I could even deal with the pipes in the hallway- just keep items away from the flood zone. But this, having to worry about any pipe bursting at any time, plus the fact that they cant seem to manage mail, is just too much, especially now. With the extra bail out money coming in, Ill defintly be planning on moving after my lease is up in August. If nothing else, I most certainly wont be renewing my lease. So I am thankfully that I have time and hopefully money on my side. I took the initiative and ordered packing boxes for delivery, and hopefully I should be able to get them delivered. We shall see.
I do the best I can to keep my sanity by focusing on the normalcy of things. In reality, things arent TOO different from my normal life. I dont really interact with people. I usualy eat delivery anyway. I dont go out to bars or clubs. But, these days it does certainly take an ounce of courage to go out and do the most mundane things, namely riding the bus. I am thankful that there is a well stocked grocery store within walking distance, and a corner convience store as well. Im also thankful that I have a work from home set up, so I can still earn a paycheck without going out- something Im mindful not to take for granted since I know that there is a vast majority of people who cannot say the same. While I am certainly feeling alone, I know that in reality Im not really alone. With facebook (once again) unilaterally blocking my account without explination and ignoring all my requests for a resolution or even explination (again), it certainly has been more difficult to keep in touch and broadcast. But I still have phone numbers, and I have been making efforts to keep in touch with family and friends and etc. I cannot do much for them, but sometimes, just saying hello is enough. Im thankful that I have entertainment available, with a vast library of media to keep me occupied. And while I plans to see Dead Can Dance in Boston are obviously null, Im thankfull that I was able to at least get my hotel expenses refunded (airplane expenses are being reserved as a voucher credit good for two years, and my ticket will be redeemable on the rescheduled date), plus Ill still have my time off from work reserved, so while it will have to be a stay-cation, it will be an opportunity to de-stress.
Im thankful that Kansas City has strong, sensible leadership that does not sugar coat the truth but also does not lend itself to panic or indecisiveness. The state level has waffled a bit on a state-wide shelter in place order, and the federal goverment is as always self-serving, incompetant, vile, and irrelevant. Im thankful that Kansas City, while large, is not as crowded as New York or Europe or any other of the virus hotspots in the world, so that means its easier to maintain social distancing. Im thankful that Im in reasonably good health. I get hot flashes sometimes in my upper arms, and going out for walks reminds me how out of shape Ive been getting, especially now that Im working from home and thus am not walking to work and not getting exercise there. Two weeks ago I walked to the grocery store, which was fine enough, but walking home with several pounds of groceries, uphill, several blocks, almost killed me. And even just walking down the street for a block or two is starting to put the strain on. But so far, I havnt displayed any symptoms. Im still breathing fine. No fever. No aches or pains. I find myself sleeping more and more, going to bed earlier, going from about 8 hours of sleep to 10, and the same lump in my throat that plagued me last year returned last week, which Im sure must be allergies. And I worry that if I do catch this thing, there wont be much I can do since I cannot get tested, and I have few options of people to take care of me, and who knows if a trip to a doctor would be a death sentence or not. But meh, what happens will happen, and all I can do is do the best I can within the power and resources at my disposal, and there's no sense panicking about it. I have suffiecint evidence to hope for either the best or the worst, so I might as well hope for the best, and focus on the things worth looking forward to. Im looking forward to Final Fantasy VII Remake being delivered, as well as the release of Trials of Mana and Xenoblade Chronicles Definitive Edition. Im looking forward to mentioned refunds from canceled trips and pay off from the government. Im looking forward to time off from work. Im looking forward to the next decision dates (April 21st if you go by Kansas City actions, or May 1st if you go by State or Federal "actions"). Im looking forward to the next netflix arriavals. Im looking forward to next weekend. Im looking forward to movie theaters reopening. Im looking forward to being able to move out of here. and Im looking forward to November, when we can finally excise this plague from america.
To quote a line from blackadder- "Now, obviously, alot of you are going to get killed. But some of you wont, so that's something to look forward to, now isnt it?"- Not too much differnt from normal everyday life, right? Sure, it might be easier to see it coming then from now, but still not too much different. Just carry on, and take sensisble precautions.
I still hear the birds singing. I still hear the train whistles. I still hear the cars go by. I still hear the bus drive by its stop. I still hear some people get on and off the bus. I so desperately want to run, catch the bus and let it take me wherever its going. But I know that Its not going to take me where I need to go at this moment.
I am not entering the 4th week of this quarentine, acknowledged as officially starting on the date that I began working from home, march 18th. But I would say the best date to acknowledge as the day the shit hit the fan would be Friday, March 13th. Friday the 13th. Easy to remember, right? Of course it began earlier before that, but, well, you know, friday the 13th...
All things considered, things could be worse. That's been my default response to the question "how are you?". Normally, it would be "can't complain". But of course, things are now different. Speciffically speaking, the panic attacks and anxiety comes and goes. Im afraid to go out. I do my best to maintain a reasonable balance between paranoia and pragmatisim, between sensibility and obcessive compulsion. They say that I must obcessively clean all things all the time, constantly wear masks and burn them after use. But I just dont have the energy or resourses for that. Being reliant upon a laundrymat means that would get very expensive really fast. And given no one knows how long this will last, Ill need to ration out my cleaning supplies, which are in high demand and short supply.
Also, last week, I had the very unfortunate timing and occaision to discover that a water pipe in the walls of my apartment burst, flooding the carpet in my reading room. Which meant repair crews and carpet men had to come in and out of my apartment to air everything out. And my landlord expected ME to do all the heavy lifting of bookcases and boxes and books. And who knows if any of those people were carrying the germs. Not happy in the least about this. But on the plus side, I didnt lose too much in the way of personal property, they managed to get everything done that needed doing within a reasonable amount of time. But I must say that this was the last straw. I could deal with the roaches- just smack them as I see them, buy spray and traps, and throw away food scraps. I could deal with the cold winters- just buy blankets and space heaters. I could deal with the rude employee, just dont go to the office when she's in there. I could even deal with the pipes in the hallway- just keep items away from the flood zone. But this, having to worry about any pipe bursting at any time, plus the fact that they cant seem to manage mail, is just too much, especially now. With the extra bail out money coming in, Ill defintly be planning on moving after my lease is up in August. If nothing else, I most certainly wont be renewing my lease. So I am thankfully that I have time and hopefully money on my side. I took the initiative and ordered packing boxes for delivery, and hopefully I should be able to get them delivered. We shall see.
I do the best I can to keep my sanity by focusing on the normalcy of things. In reality, things arent TOO different from my normal life. I dont really interact with people. I usualy eat delivery anyway. I dont go out to bars or clubs. But, these days it does certainly take an ounce of courage to go out and do the most mundane things, namely riding the bus. I am thankful that there is a well stocked grocery store within walking distance, and a corner convience store as well. Im also thankful that I have a work from home set up, so I can still earn a paycheck without going out- something Im mindful not to take for granted since I know that there is a vast majority of people who cannot say the same. While I am certainly feeling alone, I know that in reality Im not really alone. With facebook (once again) unilaterally blocking my account without explination and ignoring all my requests for a resolution or even explination (again), it certainly has been more difficult to keep in touch and broadcast. But I still have phone numbers, and I have been making efforts to keep in touch with family and friends and etc. I cannot do much for them, but sometimes, just saying hello is enough. Im thankful that I have entertainment available, with a vast library of media to keep me occupied. And while I plans to see Dead Can Dance in Boston are obviously null, Im thankfull that I was able to at least get my hotel expenses refunded (airplane expenses are being reserved as a voucher credit good for two years, and my ticket will be redeemable on the rescheduled date), plus Ill still have my time off from work reserved, so while it will have to be a stay-cation, it will be an opportunity to de-stress.
Im thankful that Kansas City has strong, sensible leadership that does not sugar coat the truth but also does not lend itself to panic or indecisiveness. The state level has waffled a bit on a state-wide shelter in place order, and the federal goverment is as always self-serving, incompetant, vile, and irrelevant. Im thankful that Kansas City, while large, is not as crowded as New York or Europe or any other of the virus hotspots in the world, so that means its easier to maintain social distancing. Im thankful that Im in reasonably good health. I get hot flashes sometimes in my upper arms, and going out for walks reminds me how out of shape Ive been getting, especially now that Im working from home and thus am not walking to work and not getting exercise there. Two weeks ago I walked to the grocery store, which was fine enough, but walking home with several pounds of groceries, uphill, several blocks, almost killed me. And even just walking down the street for a block or two is starting to put the strain on. But so far, I havnt displayed any symptoms. Im still breathing fine. No fever. No aches or pains. I find myself sleeping more and more, going to bed earlier, going from about 8 hours of sleep to 10, and the same lump in my throat that plagued me last year returned last week, which Im sure must be allergies. And I worry that if I do catch this thing, there wont be much I can do since I cannot get tested, and I have few options of people to take care of me, and who knows if a trip to a doctor would be a death sentence or not. But meh, what happens will happen, and all I can do is do the best I can within the power and resources at my disposal, and there's no sense panicking about it. I have suffiecint evidence to hope for either the best or the worst, so I might as well hope for the best, and focus on the things worth looking forward to. Im looking forward to Final Fantasy VII Remake being delivered, as well as the release of Trials of Mana and Xenoblade Chronicles Definitive Edition. Im looking forward to mentioned refunds from canceled trips and pay off from the government. Im looking forward to time off from work. Im looking forward to the next decision dates (April 21st if you go by Kansas City actions, or May 1st if you go by State or Federal "actions"). Im looking forward to the next netflix arriavals. Im looking forward to next weekend. Im looking forward to movie theaters reopening. Im looking forward to being able to move out of here. and Im looking forward to November, when we can finally excise this plague from america.
To quote a line from blackadder- "Now, obviously, alot of you are going to get killed. But some of you wont, so that's something to look forward to, now isnt it?"- Not too much differnt from normal everyday life, right? Sure, it might be easier to see it coming then from now, but still not too much different. Just carry on, and take sensisble precautions.
I still hear the birds singing. I still hear the train whistles. I still hear the cars go by. I still hear the bus drive by its stop. I still hear some people get on and off the bus. I so desperately want to run, catch the bus and let it take me wherever its going. But I know that Its not going to take me where I need to go at this moment.
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