![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Nov. 12th, 2003 12:25 am
Beam Me Up...
I should update with something... I need to post something new... the last entry was kinda a sad one, and I need to let the populace know that life goes on...
Went to Bella Morte last night at Marcus's place. I must say that I really have to hand it to him. Everyone was working together. Promotion was tight. He put his own money into equipment and production. And he did well. Thats who Wichita needs for leadership: Someone who leads by example- Not someone who threatens to cancel a show over a flyer design criticism, or someone who bans everyone who doesnt bend over and take it like an alter-boy...
Ricki Dee came with me. Its good to see him having a good time after being unemployed for so long... Even if it was a little more of a good time that he should have had. But that is good as well. I brought him for certain reasons of my own, and he served his purpose. Was even kind enough to loan me some extra cash so I could purchess Bella Morte's 'The Quiet' and have it signed. I even paid him back on the way home by way of a ATM. And who says that Im such a terrible guy?
Even met some nice new people, and became reaquainted with some nice old ones. Nice ladies too. But the one I really wanted to see didnt make it. I was surprised too, because she LOVES Bella Morte. And disappointed too... It sucks getting yourself all dolled up for the intention of impression a certain someone, only to have that certain someone not show up. But ah well... there will be other days...
Right now Im becoming obcessed with Star Trek Deep Space Nine. The plots- going into political, religious themes, as well as the classic sci-fi weirdness, and the character development- Just when you think you have a cast member figured out, they go and throw a curve ball at you... And of course, the battles... Edge of your seat excitement... lol and who doesnt like that?
Sometimes I wonder if I am becoming a Trekkie. Its not like Im attempting to translate Nirvana's Nevermind into Klingon, or dressing up like a Cardassian, but still, there is a certain story/universe history as well as the diversity of cultures that strikes my intrest. Of course, one would say that if I am planning on adapting certain elements of these cultures and philosophies into my own, then I would need to get a life. As I have told myself often. But then I began to rationalize this: What comprises a culture? A combination of philosophy, art, ritual, and etc. And where does art originate from? From the paper, the canvas, the film, the program, from the stage, and ultimatly: the television studio. And where to philosophies originate from? From the pencil, the typewriter, the keyboard, and ultimately- the teleprompter. And of course, rituals have to be acted out and established as well. So, what makes a fictional culture, like, oh, say, Ferengi, any less valid than a non-fictional culture, like, oh, say, Inner City Urban? So long as reality is not lost in the translation, there's no reason that elements of fictional cultures cannot be adapted into my own. Besides, most christian and muslim cultures lost track of reality CENTURIES ago...
But if I start getting bowl-haircuts and walk around telling everyone that they will be assimilated in Romulan then telling my cell phone to "beam me up", then I things would be a little out of controll...woulnt you say?
Dreamtime...
There was a dream I had the past few days ago... I was in a prison... It was a nice one though- Prisoner were well treated and allowed to move about freely, but of course, there were rigid schedules to maintain, as well as not being able to leave. It was bad, but it could have been worse. Anyway, after a few days of cleaning toilets, I was able to escape. Into a mall (I have no idea how I got there... my dreams are seldom consequential). My fellow escapee recomended that while we were there we might as well do some shopping. And right before we were about to go into a store, I saw her. For the first time since we broke up...
Tracy...
I was cautious at approaching at first. Initialy, I wasnt even sure if it was her. Then when I confirmed her identity, I was still hesitant about approaching her. I was afraid that I would scare her off, as I have in the past due to her fragile nature. But she recognized me as well. And we ran into each other. And as we embraced, I fell apart...
Everything that had happened in the year. The illness. The lay-off. My grandfather's stroke. My Uncle's death. My horrible poverty-inducing job. EVERYTHING. It came pouring out. I was crying... and I never cry about anything... but there I was, sobbing into her shoulder. For no reason. I was able to hold it back before, through everything. But all became too much when she touched me. And I felt ashamed. I had no right to burden her with all this. I knew I was inconviencing her. But she understood. She patted my head, told me it was ok, and let me cry all over her shoulder. And that she forgived me. For letting her down. For not being able to help her when she needed help. For giving up on her so easily... And then we just held each other... and all the pain and guilt went away... and it was so good to know, to feel, that even after everything, I could be forgiven, by one of persons I really wanted to be forgiven by...
It has been so long since I have talked to her... I should call her... see how she is doing... see if she is ok... I wonder if she would talk to me... if it has been too long... I do not think there can ever be anything between us again, but then again, the heart can make a person do unwise things when it is alone for so long a time...
Went to Bella Morte last night at Marcus's place. I must say that I really have to hand it to him. Everyone was working together. Promotion was tight. He put his own money into equipment and production. And he did well. Thats who Wichita needs for leadership: Someone who leads by example- Not someone who threatens to cancel a show over a flyer design criticism, or someone who bans everyone who doesnt bend over and take it like an alter-boy...
Ricki Dee came with me. Its good to see him having a good time after being unemployed for so long... Even if it was a little more of a good time that he should have had. But that is good as well. I brought him for certain reasons of my own, and he served his purpose. Was even kind enough to loan me some extra cash so I could purchess Bella Morte's 'The Quiet' and have it signed. I even paid him back on the way home by way of a ATM. And who says that Im such a terrible guy?
Even met some nice new people, and became reaquainted with some nice old ones. Nice ladies too. But the one I really wanted to see didnt make it. I was surprised too, because she LOVES Bella Morte. And disappointed too... It sucks getting yourself all dolled up for the intention of impression a certain someone, only to have that certain someone not show up. But ah well... there will be other days...
Right now Im becoming obcessed with Star Trek Deep Space Nine. The plots- going into political, religious themes, as well as the classic sci-fi weirdness, and the character development- Just when you think you have a cast member figured out, they go and throw a curve ball at you... And of course, the battles... Edge of your seat excitement... lol and who doesnt like that?
Sometimes I wonder if I am becoming a Trekkie. Its not like Im attempting to translate Nirvana's Nevermind into Klingon, or dressing up like a Cardassian, but still, there is a certain story/universe history as well as the diversity of cultures that strikes my intrest. Of course, one would say that if I am planning on adapting certain elements of these cultures and philosophies into my own, then I would need to get a life. As I have told myself often. But then I began to rationalize this: What comprises a culture? A combination of philosophy, art, ritual, and etc. And where does art originate from? From the paper, the canvas, the film, the program, from the stage, and ultimatly: the television studio. And where to philosophies originate from? From the pencil, the typewriter, the keyboard, and ultimately- the teleprompter. And of course, rituals have to be acted out and established as well. So, what makes a fictional culture, like, oh, say, Ferengi, any less valid than a non-fictional culture, like, oh, say, Inner City Urban? So long as reality is not lost in the translation, there's no reason that elements of fictional cultures cannot be adapted into my own. Besides, most christian and muslim cultures lost track of reality CENTURIES ago...
But if I start getting bowl-haircuts and walk around telling everyone that they will be assimilated in Romulan then telling my cell phone to "beam me up", then I things would be a little out of controll...woulnt you say?
Dreamtime...
There was a dream I had the past few days ago... I was in a prison... It was a nice one though- Prisoner were well treated and allowed to move about freely, but of course, there were rigid schedules to maintain, as well as not being able to leave. It was bad, but it could have been worse. Anyway, after a few days of cleaning toilets, I was able to escape. Into a mall (I have no idea how I got there... my dreams are seldom consequential). My fellow escapee recomended that while we were there we might as well do some shopping. And right before we were about to go into a store, I saw her. For the first time since we broke up...
Tracy...
I was cautious at approaching at first. Initialy, I wasnt even sure if it was her. Then when I confirmed her identity, I was still hesitant about approaching her. I was afraid that I would scare her off, as I have in the past due to her fragile nature. But she recognized me as well. And we ran into each other. And as we embraced, I fell apart...
Everything that had happened in the year. The illness. The lay-off. My grandfather's stroke. My Uncle's death. My horrible poverty-inducing job. EVERYTHING. It came pouring out. I was crying... and I never cry about anything... but there I was, sobbing into her shoulder. For no reason. I was able to hold it back before, through everything. But all became too much when she touched me. And I felt ashamed. I had no right to burden her with all this. I knew I was inconviencing her. But she understood. She patted my head, told me it was ok, and let me cry all over her shoulder. And that she forgived me. For letting her down. For not being able to help her when she needed help. For giving up on her so easily... And then we just held each other... and all the pain and guilt went away... and it was so good to know, to feel, that even after everything, I could be forgiven, by one of persons I really wanted to be forgiven by...
It has been so long since I have talked to her... I should call her... see how she is doing... see if she is ok... I wonder if she would talk to me... if it has been too long... I do not think there can ever be anything between us again, but then again, the heart can make a person do unwise things when it is alone for so long a time...